New Moms
Dena May
It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.
Bringing my daughter home on that cold November day was like many other new parents bringing their baby home. I sat in the back seat with her as she slept while my husband drove. My mind was racing, as was my heart. I looked at her and wondered how we could ever live up to such a tremendous responsibility. She seemed so fragile and innocent. I felt paralyzed by the fear that this was too great of an undertaking. The past nine months of anticipation for this very moment, where I had been consumed with nothing but how to get to this exact place, and now I was panic-stricken.
The difference in my story of bringing my daughter home was that she was eight years old on her first day with us. What seemed to be the end of a long road was really the beginning. We were finally at the end of a long home study process, her at the end of a nearly five-year foster care stay. In reality, it was the beginning of a long journey to building our lives together as a family.
I slept very little the first month she was home. I spent the first year with her hardly ever out of my sight. We did everything that we were told to do to facilitate bonding and attachment. At first, the all-consuming schedule was more than I could take. I had to choose what she wore, what she ate, who she talked to ... every move she made was supervised by me. It was surreal to have a new person just appear in our lives and our family. Again, it was very similar to having a newborn in the house.
I'm not quite sure when it happened. We went from almost strangers, to family, to a very close mother/daughter team. Our family didn't begin in a very typical fashion, but we are a family just like any other. We've overcome obstacles and rejoiced together. My story of being a new mom, my fears, and my delights are like most others. So is my love for my daughter. I look back now, and the memory of all of the hard times, waiting for her to come home, and the fears I had those first few months are all just a blur.
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